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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25038607">weirdly intimate</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratgotico/pseuds/ratgotico'>ratgotico</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>introduction to intimacy [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Community (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Depression, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Post Season 6, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:15:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,175</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25038607</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratgotico/pseuds/ratgotico</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Craig is having problems. So is Jeff. They get together, as friends, to help each other out. </p>
<p>It's all perfectly ok, up until Jeff catches himself thinking way too fondly of Craig, and he doesn't know what to do about it. He realizes he might be developing a crush.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Craig Pelton/Jeff Winger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>introduction to intimacy [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1814599</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>86</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>weirdly intimate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jeff was drinking. He drinks a lot, casually, these days - a drink or two at Greendale, between classes, then a couple more at his home, alone. But that doesn't mean anything. He <em>isn't</em> depressed and he certainly hadn't been spiraling since his friends started going away and leaving him behind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This time he isn't alone though. He ended up inviting the Dean over. Because he'd seen him miserable all week while at work and Craig wouldn't open up about it to anyone, which was especially odd for someone so emotional who loved attention and drama, and Jeff might've been kind of a jerk but he still had morals and empathy. So Friday night, after work, Jeff decides it's time to do something about it and goes and knocks on Craig's door and invites him over for a drink and a movie.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig accepts, obviously, because he would never say no to Jeff. And that shouldn't mean anything to Jeff at this point, but it does end up making him feel a little better about himself. It had been a while since he'd had his ego stroked. And besides, it was comforting, he supposed, that Craig was still a constant in his life. The one thing that would never change.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So, right now, Jeff wishes he could do what he had planned to do and ask him what's wrong. Except he sucks at talking about feelings. He wonders if it would've been better if he'd taken Craig to the bar where Britta works so she could play psychiatrist with him. He decides it wouldn't.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Instead, they're both sitting on Jeff's couch, quietly, an Iron Man movie playing before them because Jeff remembered making a vague mention about Greendale being Robert Downey Jr. last semester during the paintball situation, and he thought the throwback would be a nice detail or something, but he's definitely not paying attention to the TV anyway. He's completely out of it in general, actually, until he turns his head and notices Craig staring at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig places his glass on the coffee table in front of them. "Well, Jeffrey, as I'm sure by now I didn't fall asleep on my couch and am having one of those dreams when you call me to your apartment… I guess you probably noticed I've been a little down these past few days."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff figures it’s the time to talk, and he sets his glass down too. "Yeah, I was wondering… You know, we're friends. You can talk to me."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig cocks his head smiles. "Oh, we are?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Or you can talk to Frankie. Or Elroy. Or anyone, really." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I just like to hear you say it", he sighs. Craig's still smiling, warmly, at him, until his mood suddenly shifts. "I guess I've just been avoiding speaking to you after... You know."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff frowns. He knows what he's referring to - he heard whispers about how he's been in a mood since the end of last semester. But he won't acknowledge it. He's not ready to face that just yet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Jeffrey", Craig says, in a soft voice, because he knows he’s entering dangerous territory. "You haven't been well. And you got me”, he gestures to himself, “I haven't been well either. But I can't hide my emotions like you do. For me, they're always on display."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff scoffs, crosses his arms, remembers all of the times the Dean cried, or fake cried, either over nothing, or just to get what he wanted. "Yeah, we all know that."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig turns more to him, crosses his hands on his knees. "Let’s make a deal. I'll open up to you, if you'll open up to me. I won't force you to", he puts his hand up defensively, "and this is obviously <em> not </em> coming with any ill intentions on my part, alright? I treasure our friendship very much. I just…" He closes in on himself again, returns him arms to his sides, and pouts, lower lip trembling. "I haven't really talked to anyone in a while, either", he says, voice shaking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff hopes Craig’s not actually about to cry right now. He sighs, takes a moment to consider. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Okay. I mean, I guess that's fair at least." He then turns to Craig with a serious expression, puts his finger up. "But let's make this clear - nothing either of us talk about leaves this room."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Jeffrey, of course! I wouldn't expect anything else."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You know I can never be too careful after you tweeted that karaoke video."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The mention seems to take him by surprise, and Craig laughs. "That was… Different. You know that", he puts his hand on Jeff's knee, friendly, then quickly retreats it. "But I am sorry that I shared it without your permission. I know I haven't always been the best Dean, or the best friend, or even the best colleague. And I…", he pauses, starts gesturing with his hand as if trying to reel the words in. "I… Apologize. I truly do. I'm just not exactly the best at doing that, either."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Craig, if that’s what’s bothering you..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Oh, no, no, no. Well, maybe. It's… It’s many things. Everything has just been too complicated lately and I miss the days when I'd enter the study room in one of my outstanding outfits to greet my favorite people. It was a lot of work but it was also effortless, just because it was so much fun”, he smiles.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Wait, what was a lot of work, exactly?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You know, putting together all of those elaborate costumes, Jeffrey."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"... Of course", Jeff says, sarcastically. Craig pays no mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I've just been feeling odd. With your friends gone, Frankie helping me run Greendale and above all that stunt I had to pull off for the board about being gay made me feel so out of place."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The last mention is unexpected for Jeff. He didn't know Craig still thought about that. It didn't really feel right at the time, for anyone involved, but ultimately it was Craig's decision to go through with it. "The… Coming out thing? I mean, I know it was a mess and it didn't go the way you planned but… What's been bothering you about it?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig sighs. "Well, first off, it was the one kind of exposure I didn’t really need. And that I would never willingly go through again.” He starts chewing on his lip, and Jeff can tell he’s nervous. “But above that, I guess up until then I just never really had to think about what I really am. I’m fine with everyone thinking of me as gay, because sure, that’s absolutely in there, but it never felt right to publicly assume myself as anything. I just liked to exist in the way I loved to. But after that I realized how I never really had that. A… Label. A definition."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff remembers getting oddly curious about the subject at the time. Theory only, of course. But he now wishes he had actually done some research since then. He has no leverage for this conversation and for once, has no idea what to say.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lucky for him, Craig seems to realize his internal debate. "Don't worry, Jeffrey. I know you have no connection to these things… Except through me, of course. But to sum things up for you, I guess it’s been making me anxious, since that day, to not have... You know. Defined myself yet. I'm pushing 50 and I don't really know what I am."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Some things suddenly start to make sense... "Is this by any chance why you didn't wear any costumes last semester?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig snorts at that. "Not entirely. I had to be more serious under Frankie's watch, you know. But I would be lying if I said it didn't have anything at all to do with that."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He may not know the specifics of Craig’s problem, but at the very bottom of it Jeff knows it boils down to insecurities. No criticism or mockery of his outfits had ever stopped him of wearing any of them again before, because no matter what, Jeff knew Craig was most confident while parading around in them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Craig. You're right, I don't know much about these things, but I do know that there's nothing wrong with you not labelling yourself. I never thought of you as anything other than… You. This weird, odd, but fun, nice person, who likes to walk around in extravagant clothes for no reason other than you feeling like it. And who is, truthfully, not very professional, but makes up for it by being passionate. It doesn't matter if no one, not even you, can define yourself. You're the Dean. You’re a Greendale Human Being. But more than that, you're Craig Pelton. And that’s all that matters."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the time he was finished with the speech, Craig has tears in his eyes. “Oh Jeffrey, that was… Thank you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff reaches out and places a hand on Craig’s shoulder. He’s glad he’s past the phase of fainting when he did that. “And you can talk to me, you know. I may also not be the best at friendship, but I <em> will </em>try my best.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig smiles. “Winger guarantee?”, he asks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At that, Jeff actually laughs. “Sure.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They sit in a comfortable silence for a while. They watch the rest of the movie, which was almost at the end anyway, to make the occasion count as a drink and a movie, as Jeff had promised earlier. But Jeff is too busy basking in a feeling of contempt he hadn’t felt in a while to pay full attention again. He realizes that it’s not having someone close anymore that’s been making him feel this cold inside. When he was a lawyer he didn’t nurture close relationships with anyone, and he was perfectly ok with that. Or so he thought. But after Greendale, having a circle of friends, people that cared about him and who he cared about… He missed that. He wanted that again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the credits start rolling, Craig speaks up. “I should go, right? You need your beauty sleep - I mean, you don’t <em> need </em>it, but-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just then Jeff notices how tired he is. He refuses to consider that he’s actually getting old. “You should go rest too, you know. I mean your apartment <em> is </em> right next door so it's not like this is a big deal. But we've both already had a pretty busy week at Greendale, too."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig nods, although a little sad. “We deserve a nice, relaxing weekend, I agree”, and they both get up. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff accompanies him to the door. "But hey, this was... Nice." He extends his hand so Craig can shake it. It's only then he realizes it's also been a while since there'd been any physical contact between them. Either because Craig has been way too sad to do that, or because he noticed <em>Jeff</em> has been, and he at least respected Jeff to not try to push it when he needed space. It was probably a mix of both.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As Jeff notices Craig hanging on to the handshake, he finally says, "And if you want to come here next Friday, we can choose a better movie. Make some popcorn. Make this something fun so we can work together on being less miserable right now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig’s smile comes back with full force. “You mean…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I mean, isn’t this the reason you got an apartment right next to mine? You even used to invite yourself over a few years ago, remember?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?", he asks in a high voice, faking surprise. "No… Yes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now I am officially inviting you, so it’s not weird anymore.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig’s still smiling. Jeff knows he’s not gonna stop. “Thank you Jeffrey. And I'll see you on Monday!” He waves.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you <em> see </em> the mess he made in the room?”, Craig laughs. “It was unbelievable.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why on earth would the guy even think of bringing his pet pigeons to college? Let alone actually do it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You better appreciate that it didn’t happen during your class, Jeffrey. That teacher covered in feathers and... Whateve else, could’ve been you!”, he jokes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff was smiling. He’d been smiling a lot during their new Firday night movie meetings. There was a time he would’ve cringed at the thought of having Craig at his apartment at all, let alone willingly inviting him every week to drink, eat popcorn and to gossip about Greendale. But he knows they both changed since then.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Frankie was really upset though.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Frankie’s always upset”, Jeff says, as he’s bringing a bowl of popcorn to the coffee table. “Maybe we should start inviting her to hang out too. Like we were doing last semester.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig gasps. “But I thought I was special”, he says, as he grabs a handful of popcorn.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh you are, you are one of a kind”, he said, jokingly, though he knew Craig would take that to heart anyway. “Though you lose points with me every time you let those fall all over my couch and my floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig tries to quickly pick up all of the scattered popcorn. “So I’m messy. Sue me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ha ha. But seriously, we’re doing this to help each other cope. We could think about planning things with others again. I don’t doubt they’re undergoing as much stress as we.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig starts to interject, but Jeff beats him to it, because he knows what he’s going to panic about. “We’ll still have a day for just us two, don’t worry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig calms down, puts his hands to his heart and smiles fondly at him. Jeff hopes it’s totally normal of him to briefly think that’s kinda cute.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They attempt to watch a movie. But as soon as it starts, Craig turns to him and starts talking again. “You know, you never really talked to me about your problems that first night you invited me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Jeff was kind of expecting the subject to be picked up again. He knew he got away last time, by not actually "opening up" in return, as was the deal.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re right. But helping you actually helped me take my mind off of my problems… Which is part of the reason why I didn’t share them.” The other part is that he was actively trying to avoid it, as he usually does with sentimental conversations. “Turns out talking to other people is part of what helps you keep on being a functional human being.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig hums. “So the problem <em> was </em>Abed and Annie leaving.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The problem is that I shouldn’t depend on other people like that. I became too used to having them around and the fact that I couldn’t cope with them not being here anymore… It’s stupid. I’m Jeff Winger. I’m self reliant. I’ve always been.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jeffrey, you really are a way above average, strong, shaped like a greek god, amazing person. But you’re still a human being. I know exposing yourself can be hurtful. It certainly isn’t easy. But remember all the great times you and your friends went through together. You were the Greendale seven. You guys actually made history at that college. Wasn’t it worth it? You might say those were just silly community college shenanigans, but you and I both know that isn’t true.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, I think I’ve been in Greendale long enough to know how truly special it is. You know no other dean from any other college dresses up to give announcements to students, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff want to deflect from the real issue. Again. But Craig reads right through him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And you know what?”, he points at Jeff, “You're right! We need to hang out with the others again. Fridays, you, me, Frankie, Elroy, Chang at the bar Britta works at. We’ll all be able to blow off some steam, and you’ll be able to talk to Britta and ask her about the rest of your friends.” He grabs another handful of popcorn. “It'll be good for us."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Why do I feel like there’s still something missing?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Oh and you’ll obviously have to promise me any other day of the week."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There it is.”</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The next week Jeff and Craig call Frankie, Elroy and Chang while at Greendale to suggest they should all start hanging out again. They all accept to meet Friday at the bar, and the consensus is that if it goes well, they'll be back every week.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Britta looks surprised with the visit. They hadn't seen much of each other in a while either, since Jeff had truly been avoinding everyone. Talking to her again is nice, though. He wouldn't reach the point of admitting something this embarrassing to Craig, but he'd been actually <em> scared </em>about seeing Britta again, and ending up being flooded with memories of the study group. But with everyone there with him, it was easier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He and Britta end up talking for a while. He finds out she's taking psych classes online this time. He tries not to make any snarky remarks about it - he'll save that for when they get close again, because he hasn't been a really good friend, so he owes her that. He even gathers up the courage to ask if she has any news from Annie and Abed. He gives her the excuse of being too busy with work to keep up with them, but from the look she shoots back at him, he feels Britta knows what's really going on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The feeling of guilt is suddenly too much, and he turns around, intending to go back to the table with the rest of the group and leaving this talk for another day. Halfway, he spots Craig at the table, and he smiles at him. Jeff stops, sighs, and goes back to Britta.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He puts his hands on the counter, next to where she's wiping. "Actually... I've been pretty upset these days. Over everyone leaving, you know. It's why I haven't tried to contact anyone. It's why I didn't even really want to come here and see you."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Britta stops and looks at him. She places her hand on top of his. "I knew it, Jeff. Behind all of this narcissism and ego you are a pile of emotions and feelings. Deep inside. Way deep inside."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff shoots her a look, but Britta just smiles.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I understand. And from a psych stand point I have to tell you - that's completely normal! And if you really wanna know, I've been talking to them. Annie told me she'll call when she's free. Abed too. I still have to check on Shirley though, but it's not gonna be impossible to get everyone back together at some point. Except for Troy, since he’s…", she stops smiling. "You know."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"... Too busy sailing the seven seas?", he says, trying to cheer her up now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yeah", she gives him a sad smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yeah... Anyway all things considered that would be. Pretty cool."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Britta points at him. "Or as Abed would put it: Cool, cool, cool."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff actually laughs.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>"You're really going to waste your Sunday with me? I mean, I'm honored, don't get me wrong."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"As much as it pains me to admit it, Craig, it's been oddly nice to spend time with you."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig dramatically puts a hand on his chest, raises his eyebrows, mocking offense. "Oh? It <em> pains </em>you to admit it?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both sit quietly, on the Dean's couch this time, reviewing papers from work. They'd discuss some of the matters from time to time, especially regarding Jeff's teaching, which the students and Frankie had been making some… Justifiable complaints about. Jeff briefly questions if his closeness to the Dean could make them be dismissed somehow, but he brushes the thought off and promises Craig he’ll get his shit together from now on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You know I can't write that kind of answer on the report, Jeffrey."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Later on Craig mentions the subject of school dances. There had been less and less of them lately, and he asked Jeff if he thought there was any chance a proposal for one could be approved. Jeff replied that if they did all the research, stayed in budget and submitted it in a very serious manner, there was a possibility.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I don't want to get my hopes up but… I miss having a reason to show off my costumes."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s done with the papers. "You never needed a reason to wear them."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig puts his papers down too. "But I in-dean liked having one."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On a good note, the pun and the longing for the costumes indicate that Craig’s in-dea- <b>indeed </b>feeling better since the day they first talked. Which ironically almost holds Jeff back from what he’s about to do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sighs. Could he deal with the repercussions of his actions?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Consider this a very exceptional day, because I'm <em>never</em>”, he emphasizes it by gesturing with his hands, “ going to ask about this again. But why don't you... Show me. What you'd wear to this dance you want to plan?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig chokes on his breath, then closes his eyes and puts one of his hands up, as if asking Jeff to wait. He realizes he’s trying to calm himself down, trying not to freak out so Jeff won’t regret asking. Craig opens his eyes again and speaks, calmly. "You really mean that?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff nods. Craig slowly gets up and walks to the halway. When he’s out of sight, Jeff hears the loudest scream coming from there. Craig sounds so unbelievably happy. Jeff thinks about how silly this is, but he can't help feeling happy for him too.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Sundays soon begin to turn into a mixture of college obligations, numerous costumes,  and occasionally even makeup. Jeff is really spending too much time in Craig's apartment, he decides, as he finally agrees to let Craig use a brush on his face - after he makes him promise, again, that none of that would leave their rooms. And he would never admit it out loud, but maybe eyeshadow did look good on him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff realizes their arrangement is also having good outcomes in their professional lives. Craig is much more productive, and is being slowly allowed to do more work as the Dean from how well he's been handling everything at Greendale. Frankie tells Jeff that she's proud to announce she notices he has considerably reduced his drinking during work hours. Jeff tells her it's creepy that she keeps track of that. She tells him it's her job.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was one instance when Craig was lying with his head on Jeff's lap on the couch, while they had Greendale papers on hand, still on their professional duties part of the day. Jeff couldn't pinpoint when over the year he became so used to Craig being so physical with him again, and when Jeff started to be so ok with that. Maybe it’s because they grew fond of each other and the touches weren't so weird and one sided anymore. It wasn’t just hands on his abs and shoulder and biceps. It was playful pats on the shoulder, light touches to his cheek, comforting hugs. It didn’t feel weird, but it felt weirdly intimate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig lowers the paper he's reading. "This is going to sound strange, and it's totally out of context, especially since what I'm reading right now is a complaint about snakes roaming inside the school's walls but… I gave this a lot of thought and I do want to tell you."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff doesn’t takes his eyes off of his. "Don't worry, you've hit your peak embarrassment while at Greendale, like everyone else. Nothing about any of us sounds strange anymore."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"By the way, you do remember when we all saw you naked during a pool match, right? Just to make sure."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff moves the paper just to look at Craig. "Hey! I was proving a point."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"That doesn't change anything and you know that. But anyway, I'm getting dean-stracted here."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He rolls his eyes at the pun.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I've been thinking of the first real talk we've really had this year. About labels, remember? And I recently came to the realization that I don't think calling myself a man feels right. I'm not a woman either, I'm just…” he shrugs, “neither of those."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff is looking at him, and Craig is staring right back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Ok."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It is?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Craig, you don't need my approval ever, for anything. But especially not for this."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig sighs, and moves from Jeff’s lap, sitting up. "I know that, Jeffrey! If you'd said anything shitty to me I would… I would've cried, probably. But I would've never talked to you again. I just wanted to share it with you because we do that now. And to make sure that… I don't know, that you don’t think that’s weird."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Please, you're easily one of the weirdest people I've ever met. But certainly not because of your gender."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff tried to piece together where the thought of him finding that negative in any way would even come from in Craig's mind. Jeff wasn't judgemental of Craig's peculiar choice of wardrobe or presentation even when he was a student. He tried to show nothing but interest and support for him when it came to his identity. If anything, Jeff was the one begging to feel odd. He was showing a kind of affection for Craig that was making him question everything he knew about himself - the lingering looks, the thinking about him when he's not there, the feelings that took a hold of him when he looked at Craig's face sometimes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was killing him to admit it even to himself, but those were the symptoms of a crush.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff wondered how Craig would react if he showed him a little piece of this. The tables had always been reversed before, and Jeff had always been the one desired. He almost felt like he owed it to Craig to let him know that he also felt that kind of attraction to him occasionally.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Now can I tell you something <em>actually</em> weird and kind of embarrassing that's been on my mind? But first you have to promise me you won't let it go to your head."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You make me do an awful lot of promises. Is this a lawyer thing?", Craig asked. "But yes, I accept the terms and conditions.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I've been thinking... I caught myself thinking these past few days. About how you look beautiful sometimes."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He expects a different reaction, but Craig just smirks at him. And then he has the boldness to add, "Oh I’m sorry, was I supposed to swoon at that?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff picks up his paper again in frustration. "I'm starting to think you only really wanted me when you couldn't have me."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Well, duh", Craig reaches out to pat his cheek. "I am obviously flattered though, coming from you. I can cross <em> getting a genuine compliment from Jeff Winger </em> from my bucket list.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff has a feeling that’s a real thing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But why would that be <em> weird </em>, Jeffrey? We are... Kind of intimate now. As friends, of course, but intimate nonetheless!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Great, now <em> he’s </em> the one feeling awkward. "Ugh, I don’t know. I just never felt that way about anyone other than women before. So I guess it’s just unusual for me to genuinely feel like that about you. Especially because I think I mostly only feel that way about <em> myself</em>."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig is silent for a while, but then says, “You see, <em> that’s </em> a little weird, actually.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff slaps him. Lightly, because he may be getting older, but he’s still just as strong. It doesn’t have the desired effect because Craig’s just fine with that, and he just smiles and laughs. Jeff can’t help but follow.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>One day at the bar, Britta delivers the news of a possible get together of the study group in the near future. The near future ends up being by the end of the semester, after Jeff's done with finals, and he's able to tell the exact dates they're coming so Craig and Frankie can work on the schedule to match the date of Greendale’s last dance of the year - which is also only the second one, much to Craig's dismay.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then on Sunday Jeff is lying down in the sofa in Craig’s living room, as usual. He’s occupying pretty much all of it. Craig sits at the edge with some fabric in his hands, sewing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff is staring at the ceiling, thinking about the reunion. He thinks about Troy, and he hopes he's well, wherever he is. He then wonders how Annie, Abed and Shirley are. If they changed much, or at all. Britta mentioned they’d stay for a couple of days - probably for the weekend -, and Annie was already planning all the activities they’d do. Britta said she asked about him a lot. She told him she'd usually tell Annie about how Jeff needed this year to heal after such a change in his life. Jeff never had much faith in Britta as a psych major, but she was actually right about that. He knew Annie understood, but he also knew she would still be a little upset with him for avoiding keeping in contact.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sure, Jeff started the year as a psychological mess who still managed to keep all of his feelings bottled up... But he was fine now. He was even working on coming to terms with his age. He was going to figure himself out, stop running from his emotions and he would promise the group that he would keep in touch from now on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He finally snapps out of his thoughts and looks over to Craig. “What are you working on?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig holds the fabric up so Jeff can see it better. “My costume for the last dance.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It's really pretty."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig smiles at him. "Thank you!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Deciding to get his life together should include figuring out... Whatever the hell this was, Jeff thinks. He had such a domestic relationship with Craig now, and they grew to be so fond of each other in a way Jeff had never experienced with anyone else before. He should, at least, explore what his feelings for Craig actually are.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey... I have to ask you something unusual again. But it might be for the last time now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig stops sewing and turns to him. “That… Concerns me a little.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff swallows. “Do you have an actual bucket list?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“... Yes?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And my name’s really on it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig looks shocked at the question. He puts his hands up in defense. “Ok, Jeffrey, I can explain-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff quickly sits up on the couch. “No, just let me finish. I told you it was a weird question! But I just want to know... If kissing me on there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig’s visibly nervous, but now he looks more confused than anything. “Yes! I mean it <em>was</em>, but I erased it recently because I thought it was unfair to you... I wouldn’t want to ruin what we have now, Jeffrey! We’re already so much closer than I ever thought we would get.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff sighs. He has a feeling he isn't doing this right. “Just listen", he takes one of Craig’s hands in his. "Do you wanna do it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They’re face to face, staring intently at each other. Craig opens and closes his mouth, caught in panic. Jeff realizes he should've been more careful about this. He averts his gaze and adjusts his sit, trying to give Craig some space. “I shouldn’t have asked that out of nowhere like that... Sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This time, Craig reaches out to him. “This isn’t going to ruin what we have, Jeffrey? If we do it? I mean, you’re okay with it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff puts his hands on Craigs shoulders, looking into his eyes again, trying to be as reassuring as he possibly can. “Yes. It’s fine. I promise.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig swallows, then closes his eyes and slowly leans in. Their lips touch. Craig stops, as if to test the waters with Jeff, but Jeff’s completely fine with it. After the initial apprehension and fear, they relax into each other and enjoy. With his hands on Craig’s shoulders, Jeff caresses his neck with his thumbs, and Craig moves a hand to rest on Jeff’s cheek.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>"When you led me to your bedroom I was wondering what you were planning."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig giggles. "I may have wanted to scare you a little."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I know."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They're laying down, facing each other. Jeff's hand is resting next to Craig's, in the middle of them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He thinks back to that first kiss and the way he took the initiative. He would've never in his life guessed <em>he</em> would be the one initiating something with Craig. In the next few days, the kisses came much more naturally, too, from both of their parts. Jeff started occasionally swinging by the Dean's office to give him a quick kiss on the cheek when there was no one around, and Craig blushed and smiled and whispered "Jeffrey", as if he was actually concerned. As if he didn't start stopping by Jeff's room to do the same.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I just wanted to be comfortable with you for this conversation, you know."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Pretty sure you just always had a dream of having me in your bed."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig laughs. "Well…", and Jeff laughs too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Truth is, Jeff is nervous about where this is going. He figures Craig is, too, but much less so than him. Because Craig would've been comfortable with the idea of kissing Jeff anytime. But Jeff had only ever considered kissing women before, so this was all entirely new to him. He feel like he needs something to lighten the mood, to disguise his anxiety, but he knows he can't avoid the real topic for much longer. Soon they go back to silence, and then it's just them, intimate and real, lying together in Craig's bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Okay, Jeffrey…", Craig starts. "Talk to me."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff swallows, then takes a deep breath. He tells himself he can do it. "I like you. I liked what we were doing, but I like what we have right now even more."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig smiles. "So you mean, you like kissing me… ?", he teases.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He's got nothing to lose, Jeff decides, and he pecks him on the lips as a response. Craig makes a surprised noise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I can be smooth too, you know. May I remind you, was the coolest person on your campus."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig runs his hands through Jeff's hair. "Oh, and you still are... But now, seriously, I have to know something. And that is if you want keep doing this. With me. Us. If you are serious about it."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig had called him out on his problems with complete emotional commitment before. He knows Jeff has troubles with relationships. But this time, Jeff was different. As much as he hated to admit it, he was older. And it turns out, that wasn't as bad as he once thought it was. He feels much more mature now, more ready for what a relationship will entail than he ever was before. After so many mistakes, he knows what he needs to do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I think I am. I know I am, actually. I'm confident about it."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig hums. "And you're sure this isn't just a mid life crisis panic again, like when you took those pills when you turned forty?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff snorts. "I'm not sure. I did count three more white hairs up there when I looked in the mirror today so really, they might be responsible for all of this."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig keeps caressing his hair. "Oh yeah, I think I see them..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"What about you? Do you want to keep doing this?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Jeffrey, I've been dreaming of becoming your boyfriend for the longest time-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Was that on your bucket list too?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"But I didn't really think it would actually happen, like, ever. Actually being with you right now is… It's wonderful, ok? And I would love it if we continued doing that. Nothing would make me happier. But I have to know if you are ready for this. Ready for a relationship. With me."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I think I'm more ready now than I ever was. I want this. I want to settle down with someone, and I want that someone to be you. I mean, we're great together, Craig. You're going to need some patience with me, that's true, but I will try my best at this. Winger guarantee."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeff places his hand on top of Craig's, and squeezes it. "Come with me, to the reunion. Hold my hand. You were doing that a lot already anyway, just not physically."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Craig turns his palm up so he can intertwine their fingers together, and he's pretty sure he's crying. He's even more sure when Jeffrey let's go of his hand to brush a tear off his face with his thumb. Then Jeff fully embraces him, so Craig can cry and let it all out, like the sentimental he is. And Jeff can hold him as close as he possibly can.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i come back to this website after five years to post a 6k rare pair community fic... oh well. i just really like these 2 together and to me nonbinary craig pelton and bi jeff winger are canon.</p>
<p>i never wrote anything like this before so please lmk what u think!! also if you find anything wrong with the references to the series bc i relied solely on my memory.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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